Purple Monkey Dishwasher

Mar 6, 2004

My friend John posted a rant about personals ads on his blog last week, which made me want to dig out my old copies of Industrial Nation to share with all three of you reading this the hilarity that is goth personals ads. They are whiny and melodramatic and ever-so-cheesy. Without further ado, here is a sampler:

I am wed to the darkness of my anguish. I'm not into industrial music but its emotional aesthetic and long for a corrupt bitch goddess to discipline me. I am pathetic. Please get me over my snivelling homosexual tendencies which I center on Matt Sharp of Weezer. I live near Chicago and will relocate for the right Dark Lady. Write abusive letters to me.

Take aim, I am waiting to be impaled with a thousand corkscrews. Kick me in the teeth with your steel-toed stationery. I am waiting to dissect your brain, body, karma. Do you want to get down and get necro?

Enchanting Daemoness seeks darkened creatures, lost souls and children of moonlight for correspondence and curio-exchange...Need to hear from anyone who has interests in Gothic/Industrial, to dreadful erotic cravings, horror films, vampires, spirits, poetry, over the edge events, & believing in the dead that walk unrested...And if anyone has unwanted dragon-like pictures or anything that has to do with dragons, please send.

The virtual corpse that I am, has been used for 25 years as the coffin of a soul. All around me there is darkness and nothing else. All within me there is darkness and nothing less. Life is a sexually transmitted disease that is incurable and always mortal. So until it ends, I am waiting through music that is for me the only true extension of spiritual energy...So you, all black clothed, grim thinking vampiresque girls who want to share the absurdity with a lonesome man, you can hush me and maybe take my blood and soul and the virginity of my flesh.

Darkwave mage seeks correspondence with other like myself. My interests include, but are not limited to: chaos, magik, sex, red roses and black coffee after midnight, and all things dark and wonderful. I also believe in all forms of altered states of consciousness, and enjoy reading and writing poetry which is not fluff. If you agree that the cross is a symbol of tyranny, pain and oppression, and that pleasure is a sacrament, write to me. Liberate your soul and help weave new patterns of reality.

Seriously, I am not making these up. I have more of these, which I will post if you ask nicely. And yes, that is a blatant attempt to solicit comments.

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