Hollywood reaches new heights of lameness: Sk8er Boi, Avril Lavigne's thinly veiled gender-reversing jab at some preppy boy who dissed her, is being made into a movie. Hmmm, a movie about a punkish teenager who falls in love with someone whose friends don't approve. I think I've already seen that movie, except it was called Pretty in Pink. And before that, it was called Valley Girl. And before that...

Nicole Jones of Bristol, UK, says her husband jokes he'll leave her if she loses her looks when she gets older. "He hated it when I was pregnant and my figure was changing." So instead of calling him a misogynist pig, or even pointing out that he'll be old and bald and wrinkly some day and will be lucky if she puts up with his sorry ass, she had her face insured for £100,000. She says she did it not for the money but for the health of her marriage. Yeah, I can see why she wants to hang on to him. The ladies must be lining up to steal him away.

Does anyone actually believe Donald Rumsfeld when he says the Bush administration just wants to study new types of nuclear weapons but not actually build them?

Monkeys for sale! Or alternately, be a monkey foster parent.

It's a pie. And it's in a jar. How festive.

The Department of Human Services in Multnomah County, Oregon, seeks Klingon interpreters to work with mental health patients. Without an interpreter, how do they know the patients are actually speaking Klingon and not just babbling incoherently and calling it Klingon?

For those of you who think feminism has served its purpose, a new study from the University of Washington shows that unmarried mothers are much more likely to land husbands if the little bastard is a boy, particularly when the husband in question is the kid's biological father. Since children from single-parent households are more likely to live in poverty, this is very bad news indeed for little girls. Previous research by the same authors showed that fathers of sons spend more money on their families.

Its like something out of The Onion: "Bling-bling" is under active consideration for inclusion in the Oxford English Dictionary.