It's funny because it's true.

Update: unfortunately The Onion didn't archive this one. The headline was "95 Percent Of Opinions Withheld On Visit To Family". So true.

According to a BBC online poll, Mr. T is a better American than George Washington. And speaking of Mr. T, I give you The T'inator. I pitied the CBC and got this T'inated nugget of wisdom about the road map for peace in the Middle East: "U.S. Secretary of State Colin Powell plans to meet in Jordan this crazy month with other leaders from that darn Mideast Quartet that crazy drew up that darn peace plan. Crazy foo...On Friday morning, Australia responded by advising its citizens to leave the darn country. Prepare to feel the T's fist! Israeli Prime Minister Ariel Sharon has vowed to fight "to the bitter end." One of his officials, Avi Pazner, jibba jabba'd "there gunna be no immunity for anybody who either orders or executes terrorist activities."

A Mexican national has won the right to sue the U.S. government for negligence for selling him a car with 199 pounds of marijuana hidden in its bumpers and then arresting him when he tried to cross the border in it. The man, a 67 year-old grandfather, bought the car at a U.S. Marshals Service Auction. It had been seized by the Immigration and Naturalization Service after it was used to smuggle illegal immigrants into the U.S., but they never noticed the huge quantity of drugs welded into the bumper.

A woman in Belleville was barred from ordering from Pizza Pizza as part of her sentence for choking, kicking and punching the pizza guy because her order took longer than 30 minutes to arrive. The real question is, did she get the pizza for free?

Can someone please explain to me why the Associated Press is going to the trouble of debunking ridiculous tabloid stories? Since when is the Weekly World News considered a trusted news source? Granted, they were the first to break the Bat Child story...