If you're having trouble keeping up with news reports on the war, check out the Iraq-o-meter for the latest stats on bombs dropped, civilian casualities, oil wells aflame, Iraqi soldiers surrendered, territory control, and weapons of mass destruction uncovered.

MTV Europe has temporarily banned war-themed music videos, including Paul Hardcastle's 19. Did they really need to explicitly ban that one? I mean, would anyone even have noticed its absence from the playlist if it wasn't named in the press release? Or are there legions of dedicated Paul Hardcastle fans out there that have been lobbying to keep this video on the air for the past 15 years? I don't get it.

In a shocking turn of events, Lisa Marie Presley is not proud of her marriage to Michael Jackson. Wow, I didn't see that one coming.

I just love this headline. "Pants" is one of those words that can get you into trouble if you don't realize it means something different in the UK - anyone who's ever mentioned fanny packs in the presence of a Brit will know what I'm talking about. But alternate usages aside, the word "pants" always makes me snicker. I don't know why, its just a really funny word.

Update: They've changed the headline. Its not quite as funny as the original, which called him a pants-wearing vandal.

War and porn, together at last
Adult Video News asks the age-old question, will war be good or bad for internet porn? Greg Salsburg of IVolt Networks says, "I suspect it will not have a large negative effect since the sentence ‘This war has me not wanting to look at naked women’ has never been uttered."

On a related note, RateMyGasMask.com.

As if "freedom fries" weren't bad enough, anti-French sentiment has reached new heights of stupidity: the company that makes French's Mustard issued a press release reminding the American public that their mustard isn't actually French. There's no word on whether dijon mustard is also suffering from reduced sales. I'm sure we'll be hearing from the good people at Franco-American any day now.

Apparently the Flintstones used to shill for Winstons, and at the end of the show you could see the main characters smoking. Desi and Lucy did it too. TV was so much more wholesome in the 50's, wasn't it.

Get Your War On

Gallery of hideous Weight Watchers recipe cards from the 1970s
I'm not sure what's more disturbing, the jellied salads, or the swarm of ceramic animals.

The show last night was great, except for the fucking bomb scare that caused the whole street to be blocked off for a couple of hours.

I'm heading out in a few minutes to an Oktoberfest-themed St. Patrick's Day party (at Zaphod's of course), featuring Lederhosen Lucil - piano/punk/country/new wave/dub songs about dried apricots, scabs, and repetitive stress injuries, complete with vintage Yamaha keyboards, a faux-German accent, and of course, lederhosen. Rumor has it she'll be touring with Kid Koala this fall, so keep your eyes peeled to a beer tent near you.

"He's an immortal Amish werewolf looking for a cure to the poison coursing through his veins. She's a chain-smoking hypochondriac opera singer who dreams of becoming Elvis. They fight crime!" It's almost as much fun as the Surrealist Compliment Generator.

Apparently penises have higher bandwidth than cable modems. Who knew?

Its dangerous to be a metal dude these days. First the Great White fiasco, and now some poor guy gets his skull fractured by a flying sheep's head at a Norwegian death-metal show. Apparently the band, Mayhem, was carving up a dead sheep as part of their stage act, and the head flew off the lead singer's knife. "My relationship to sheep is a bit ambivalent now," the victim said. "I like them, but not when they come flying through the air."

New Scientist magazine's contests kick ass. A few months ago they did one where the winner had the choice between a week in Hawaii or being cryogenically frozen after death (she chose Hawaii). Their latest prize is having a section of your DNA sequenced.

Russia crowns Miss Epaulettes 2003, the prettiest woman in the Russian army. The competition was supposedly designed to prove the equality of men and women in Russia's armed forces, through categories such as marksmanship, baking pancakes, and writing about the romance of their jobs. What a festive way to celebrate International Women's Day.